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"HIS NOSE BLOOD" JANUARY 2009


I NEVER UNDERSTOOD
WHEN BOYS WERE MEAN
TO ME ON THE PLAYGROUND
IT MEANT THEY LIKED
ME.
COMING TO REALIZATION THAT LIFE IS NEITHER WHAT I WANT OR NEED IS ALMOST LIKE DIVING INTO A HEAP OF SOFT PILLOWS THAT SWALLOW THE SOUNDS OF CRYING AND SCREAMING AND THEN MELT THEM INTO SLUMBER. IT WAS A LONG TIME AGO THAT I SAID I WOULD STOP LIVING MY LIFE IN MATTERS OF RELATIONSHIPS TO OTHERS. AFTER A WALK THROUGH THE TREES AND THEN UP A HILL, WHICH GUIDED ME TO THE FIRST PATCH OF SNOW, I CAME TO TERMS WITH THE WAY MY TOES LOOKED. I GUESS IT'S BETTER TO WALK WITH THEM RATHER THAN WITHOUT THEM. I HATE THINKING THAT I AM BETTER THAN I FEEL. AND ONCE WE SWAYED BACK IN FORTH ON A HAMMOCK WHERE THE OCEAN BREEZE GENTLY TOUCHED EACH INCH OF OUR BODIES. I COULD NEVER SEE MYSELF LOVING YOU THE WAY I USE TO. I JUST NEED TO EXPLODE INTO THE FLOWER I KNOW I AM. AND IF IT IS A MATTER OF CONTINUING THE PATH OF OBLIVION OR IGNORANCE, I RATHER BE NOTHING THAN SOMETHING. IT'S LIKE I WAS APART OF THEM AND SUDDENLY IT ALL DISAPPEARED. IT WAS LIKE, I DISAPPEARED. IT WAS LIKE, WHENEVER I COUNT HOW MANY TIMES THAT STUPID GIRL IN MY CLASS SAYS "LIKE" BEFORE AND AFTER AND DURING THE PROCESS OF TRYING TO COME WITH ANYTHING TO SAY. OH, COLOR AND SOUND! I NEVER THOUGHT I'D GET SO FAT AND YET, STILL LOOK SO PRETTY. I JUMP AT THE CHANCE TO SHOWER YOU WITH GIFTS AND ALL I GET IS A HUG. I COULDN'T BELIEVE HOW SUNNY IT WAS TODAY. IT REMINDED ME OF THOSE TIMES ON THE JUNGLE GYM WHEN WE USE TO RACE EACH OTHER TO THE TOP -- WE'D BOTH WIN SOMETIMES, BUT ONE TIME I FELL ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM FROM THE TOP, IT WAS LIKE I BECAME A RAG DOLL. FLOPPING ABOUT THE METAL BARS AND SLAMMING INTO THE HARD GROUND. I'VE NEVER FOUND A FOUR LEAF CLOVER. IT'S ALL IN MY HEAD, EVERYTHING I WANT AND NEED IS ALL IN MY HEAD. ALL IN MY HEAD. ALL IN MY HEAD. ALL IN MY HEAD.

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HALLOWEEN COSTUME 2009

BLACK HOLE OF LOVE
FAMILY TIME = SLEEPING BEAUTIES








FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE
FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE FUCK MY LIFE